Rats do not enchant her

My home has become besieged by furry, determined invaders. They arrived a month ago and slowly settled in, in the process making their presence increasingly known and unwanted.

The first signal of their arrival came one night when I was stretched on the couch letting whatever drivel was on telly wash over me. From the corner of my eye I saw something which my brain struggled to decipher. A subliminal image of an erect tail (but narrow?) was nagging me...oh the cat, she must have run past holding her tail in an unusual way. Then I realised the cat was sleeping on my feet. I poked my nose into the kitchen and a thumpin' great thing (ok, around 4-5 inches long) ran past me and dived down a hole in the floor. Urg I said. But that was just the beginning. Since then Rat has acquired a friend, and Rat 1 and Rat 2 reckon that our kitchen is a playground sent by the rat gods. Three days ago I got up at 1am when their crashing about got too much, and sprung them chimneying up and down behind the pantry cupboard. "What?!" their peeved beady gazes said when I shone the torch in their faces - "Now we're going to have to reset the timer, Mervin's going for his personal best".

So now the options are about how to solve the rat problem. Death-dealing is not my preferred approach, and a call to the vet confirmed that poison was a bad approach to take. Many people have said "Oh a cat's all you need" - but as I write, mature Miss O is snoring on her green fluffy cushion while the rats abseil off the fridge. She's just not that into all that chasing and biting stuff anymore...she's done her time, decapitated her life's quota of rodents and now just wants peace, quiet, and no more ratty competition for her food supply. I reject the traps that leave the rat in agony half squished, so am currently trying to locate the cages that theoretically you catch the rats in then take somewhere else to release them. Sounds simple in theory...but the cages are in fact hard to find (rat plague in the northern suburbs?) and I still don't know how the whole releasing into the wild will go without getting bitten. Let alone the fact that these rats seem to be smart so may not - er - take the bait. I'll keep you posted.